Archive for January, 2012

letting go…

January 23, 2012 Leave a comment

I had to make a choice today.  I honestly want to talk to someone in person about it and not post here.

Sigh.  19 years and counting.  Almost 2 decades.  Lived loved lost and funny enough not in that order, randomly repeated.

meh, on to the hacking part.

I am almost done the digimon story lost evolution graphics.

I have steadily also been working on a Elminage II DS Remix translation.  I know I promised to work on other projects first before I did anything new.  This project is actually fairly simple.  the text is not only easy to get to but organized in an efficient way mostly in csv files.  The image work for this game promises to be fairly easy.  As I write this I think about zoids battle coloseum and finally finishing dumping the complete story/script.  Or getting back to debugging itadaki street ds in an emulator.

The other projects can be put on hold.  I am thinking of deleting my last little bits of 7th dragon stuff (including any posts here).

That being said I again renew my call for freelance programmers.  I need to make an unpacker/packer for Duel love.   Leave a comment with details about how much this will cost me if interested.

Categories: Uncategorized

uh, burning bridges… so to speak

January 7, 2012 Leave a comment

Last year kinda cinched the relationship with my family there are now about 3 people out of a good hundred that I will talk to.  the rest… 13 years of returned mail and hung up (not ignored they picked up then hung up after saying hi – on purpose), have left me – jaded.

So in relationship terms I had an ex boyfriend tell me that he was trying to burn the bridges between us.  Didn’t stop him from borrowing money from me or hanging out with me for the next 3 years… (at that time).

He eventually explained that he was trying to sever any and all contact with me.   He still talks to me…  Hasn’t payed back any of the money.

My mom once told me that she thought that I would be living with her until my late thirties – one of those kids that never leaves home.  If she only knew that I hated that town  and the redneck homophobic idiots in it.  That I couldn’t wait to get out.  The nearest city was just as bad – worse… I hear from the newcomers coming from there to here  (in toronto).   It was one of the only cities I know that I could walk for almost 3 hours buck naked and not encounter even one person.  yes suburgatory….

Yet here in toronto last year I encountered on not quite the same level homophobia… Which when I took the one job downtown less than 5 minutes away from the gay district of T.O.  was really unexpected.  The last thing I thought any major company would condone is alienating a fairly large customer base just because a few employees didn’t learn their lesson in other stores after getting fired for the same crap there…  In the lunch room in bigger letters than any other strong warnings on harassment… should have been my first sign to high tail my keister out of there.  It took almost having my throat cut out and more idiocy on behalf of my coworkers before I just said to myself that minimum wage is not enough to keep putting up with that crap…

Yet here I am a year later whining about it.  why?  cause its all tied together.  I got out of my hometown after having my reputation ruined in the conservation field (due to homophobia).  I left the one store that in retrospect I loved due to just one co-workers homophobia.  Compared to the other store words can be said but actions are different.   that one guy only talked, the new store on the other hand… whooo…  Funnier still having threats still come at me when I haven’t worked there in almost a year just ridiculous… (I was just checking my mail, and the guy followed me… )


More returned mail from my parents/brother…  and this idiot… (more homophobia).  Not in the mood to deal with him, not in the mood to have that crap float back to my memory.

Its why I haven’t checked my mail for a while.  (I have a mailbox due to my situation).

I have one regular monthly bill- cellphone.

So yesterday… (technically today), I wasn’t in the mood to deal with any form of sarcastic silliness.  Even if it meant burning some bridges.   Last year around this time I was dealing with idiots this year I am dealing with one of those idiots… still…  One phone call a disturbing letter… and a kinda freaky creepy following me around…

Really makes me yearn for some excitement.

More bad personal news… more results back and I am just this side of ready to throw in the towel.   I don’t have the cash for surgery, refuse to live without my original heart… and do not want to go through more of this crap.   sure leaps have been made in the last 15 years.  Its still the same problems… Be stuck possibly for the rest of my life to one room hooked up to machines.   sigh…  or worse die on the table… in surgery… woo hoo…

Or keep going the way I have been and die on my own terms on my own journey.   If you have read my previous posts you know a little about this….

so crummy beginning of the year, crap happy outlook and a strong urge to drop everything for the stuff I consider important.

and so…

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